Today, Texie, my American Quarter horse and namesake of this blog, moved from the farm which he has called home for five years. He climbed into a horse box and travelled 45 minutes, on a freeway and down a dirt road, to our new livery yard. And It all went so smoothly, thanks be to the Lord!
We’ve been planning for this for two months, practicing with a trainer for a month and then, at our lesson last week, the wheels fell off. Texie was stuck in the box and I had a panic attack. I was filled with the anxiety of the “what-ifs” and the unseen dangers I couldn’t plan for or fix. Recovering from that for the past four days has taught me three truths:
1) I’m not trapped – God bought my freedom with Jesus’ death on the cross. The veil was torn and I can now pray and hear His direction and comfort through the Holy Spirit. He hears my prayers and answers them. Ahead of today, I kept seeing the horse box as this amazingly safe space, a refuge and fortress. When I walked Texie in, it was that image I clung to and, God made it so. No claustrophobia for either us!
2) I’m not sovereign – my horse isn’t my responsibility, he is God’s, I have the privilege to love him but He cares and provides for him as He does me. It is a relief to share the concern and know that God is fighting for Texie, protecting him and carrying him. God keeping him calm intransit felt far more doable than me trying to calm Texie. God pointed me to the verse describing how He feeds the birds and grows the flowers, what a comfort to see those on the drive and remember God’s promise.
3) I’m not alone – in the few days between crisis and move, I have been surrounded by love. Friends have prayed, cooked, hugged, messaged and called. My mum has been incredible, taking care of me physically and mentally, checking in and building me up. Helen, who moved our horses today, has been amazing. She asked we entrust them to her and her groom. Her faith is deeply-rooted and she encouraged, nurtured, prayed and loved us through it all. This journey highlighted, for me, the need for each other to renew our faith and keep our eyes on God. But the One who stayed with me, even at three in the morning, was God. Through His Word, praying with Him, singing to Him, He stayed near so I could rest. I’ve learnt, even when I don’t have another human near, I am never alone.
I don’t wish to be anxiety-filled and discombobulated as I have been in this last week or to be making life changes like this one. However, I am grateful for the lessons learnt and even more grateful that I serve an amazing and steadfast God.