I have spent the last two weeks with OxyNorm in my system and leaving my system. I have had the most fearful thoughts: attended the funerals of all my loved ones, lost my belief in God, believed I was dying of a brain tumor, rabies and cancer, been consumed by the fear of being alone. This on top of my body attacking me with nausea so strong I didn’t eat for two days, shivers, chills, excruciating pain in my muscles, and an agitation that meant I couldn’t get comfortable anywhere.

It has been unbelievably challenging. I can now only sympathise with those coming off drugs and anyone fighting depression, it has been a harrowing experience. My wonderful mother has been there every step of the way, crying with me and assuring me that this too will pass. My doctors, Georgie Makris and Y Mahomed have answered calls and smses at all hours. My friends have been amazing as have my clients, sending flowers and food. They have listened to me vent my darkest thoughts and prayed alongside me. I have sung every one of Kari Jobe’s beautiful songs and prayed every prayer in Max Lucado’s prayer book. And now, as I hope this ordeal comes to a close, I am filled with a sense of gratitude for the awesome God in whom my faith is now stronger, my amazing support network that caught me and the awesome resources I have to draw on.

I can only pray and hope we are kinder, more understanding and gentler with those suffering from these kind of symptoms, I had no idea of what it is like, they carry a heavy burden indeed.

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